Some root canals, a hefty bill and a better marriage

    Life is funny sometimes. Our wonderful church has been talking about money the last few weeks. In a good way actually. Not in a "Give us your money" kind of way that some churches get a bad rap for. Rather in a "It's all God's anyway, so don't fear, live graciously and TRUST him with finances." kind of way. It's been so encouraging. SO many of our peers are in the same boat as we are: living paycheck to paycheck, trying to live frugally but feeling overwhelmed over the hospital bills, the gas bills, the mortgage, and so on. It's easy to feel helpless at times.
    We had a gigantic hospital bill for the birth of our second son. Okay, we've had gigantic bills for both of them, but the first has been paid off. Anyway, over Christmas, I did a lot of praying and I made peace with trusting God, not freaking out about the future and just focusing on one month at a time. Peace is my word this year, after all.
    Then over the weekend, I started having so much pain in my jaw. Ridiculous pain. I couldn't chew, could barely open my mouth without it acting up. I'd been down this road before, so I knew what it was: an abscess tooth ( I seem to get them every time I have a child. So weird!). I knew I had to go to the dentist, so I went. Not one, but TWO, possibly three abscesses. Advanced. With the infection SPREADING through my body. Crap. The sweet dentist ( I like her a lot actually) told me it'd be over 2 grand for each one. Um, I don't have two grand, but I need my teeth! So, yeah. Another bill. I freaked out a little last night, but to be fair, it caused Ben and I to have a heart to heart. Here's what we decided: God's in control. Ben has a job. We can cut back. Stop eating out. Live simply. Possibly (GASP!) get rid of cable. WE WILL BE OKAY. It was a good, honest talk. And we needed to have it. I had my first root canal (Like, first of these three. I've been down this road before). It was painful, I was panicky, but it's done and the infection has stopped spreading. I am able to make payments on the procedure. My mind completely blanked when they asked me how much Ben makes for the application. Um, I don't know, before or after taxes? I freaked out. Paper work scares me. I feel like I'm in junior high again, and if I put the wrong answer I will be in big trouble. I told the lady I didn't know. She brought out a calculator and said it was okay, we'd do the math. Anyway, I'm rambling. I think it went okay.
   There's a point to all of this rambling, I promise. I've been scared about money. I'll admit that. I felt SO guilty for this mouth issue, because Ben works so hard and we can't afford this and debt is bad and Dave Ramsey and blah blah blah. My mind is always going, I tell you. But, my word this year is peace. Live peacefully. STOP the freaking out. So as I was making dinner last night, I said "Thank you God, for this chance to trust you. I can't wait to see how you will provide here. Show me just how much you care for my family." It gave me some peace, if only for a little while. It also made me appreciate how hard my husband tries for his family. I was all set to just have the tooth pulled, maybe all three teeth pulled, but he said not to be ridiculous. Teeth are forever (well, they should be). He said we'd make it work. And we will.
Thank you, God, for this opportunity to trust you. To practice peace. It'll be okay.