Lately

Lately, my arms are always full. Rocking my almost three month old, holding my almost four year old's hand as we cross the street, always doing, always occupied. I love it. I am completely in over my head, but I love it. I was made for it. Typing has fallen by the wayside for the most part, just like my love of shopping (Now shopping is an olympic sport. Get what we need, pay, and get out before the waterworks start).

Lately, my days are filled with diapers and Disney Junior and tantrums and chocolate milk and trying to get peanut butter out of the carpet that used to be white but is now a dull gray color.

Lately, my worries have been great and my what if's have multiplied but my faith has grown exponentially. When I catch myself thinking of the future and panic sneaks in through the back door, I reel it in by telling myself to focus on just today. Just right now. I tell myself that God made ME their momma, and he loves me and he loves them and we'll be just fine.

Lately, my favorite thing to watch is my husband playing catch with our preschooler, or holding our baby, because those two sights are just the best. It's so crazy to think of where we were a year ago. We had no idea how our life together would change.

Lately, my heart has grown, grown, grown, for mommas everywhere. For moms with one kid and for moms with five. I see you, doing the best you can, and I am in awe. It's the scariest job in the world, but it's the best. We have tough decisions to make, every day. Public school verses homeschool, breast verses bottle feeding, and don't even get me started on the vaccination fight. Mom decisions are hard. Scary. But I see you, loving your children and doing your best and I am inspired. I tell you my deepest fears and you say "Me too." You hug me and pray for me and tell me it's all just so normal.

Lately, my heart has also grown for my friends that still pray pray pray for children but don't have any yet. I was you. I know it hurts. Forgive me when I seem to be complaining about hard days. I know I am blessed, I know it hurts and you don't know if you'll ever get here. Let me encourage you. Let me buy you a coffee and tell you that I have felt it, I've been where you are and there can be a happy ending.

Lately, my heart has been opened like never before. I'm scared, but I'm grateful.