I always feel a little funny on the last day of the year. Part of me is excited at the possibility of a clean slate. I don't exactly make resolutions, but I do set goals for myself, and most of the time I actually accomplish them (thank you, type A personality of mine). I'm usually pretty excited to leave the hard things of the year behind. The setbacks, the worries, the pain, well, I hope it will stay put and not follow me into the new year. Which is really naive of me, but I digress.
On the other hand, New Year's Eve is weird for me. I spend the entire day feeling a little uneasy, a little unsure. What is to become of 2014? Should I worry? Will I be able to handle it? All of it's challenges, all of it's hurdles? Should I curl up in a ball and pretend nothing is changing? Should I stop trying to grow, stop trying to get stronger? Sounds good to me.
But it's not.
2013 was the hardest year I've ever lived. There was pain. There was fear. There was living moment by moment, not sure of what was to come. I had many a panic session, eating cookie dough on the couch and wondering why God thought I was strong enough to handle certain things.
But. 2013 was also the BEST. YEAR. EVER. I gave birth to my second son, and felt God closer than ever before. I thought I couldn't do it, and he carried me all year long. Where there was fear, he was there. He grew my church family and sent me women that loved me like their sister. That held my hand, both literally and figuratively, and said "YOU are equipped. Don't you dare think otherwise."
If 2013 was a mountain, it was the highest one I've ever climbed. But it also had the best views, without a doubt.
My word for 2014 is peace. That's my goal, that's what I want to strive for. Peace in my heart, peace in my mind. Less worry, more peace. More realizing that giving up this facade of control is the best thing I can do. Realizing that peace in my heart is a gift I can give my children. That they want their momma to be an instrument of peace, not a giant ball of stress. Perhaps I need to take up yoga.
Here's to a new year of love, joy, and peace to you and yours. Ask big things of God this coming year. You won't regret it. Happy New Year, loved ones.
1 comment:
I, too, want to continue to develop a peaceful heart. In my reading today, I came upon these verses (Jeremiah 17:7-8) today which I think pertain to this desire of ours:
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
8 He is like a tree planted by water,
that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit.”
This is contrasted with the previous verses (Jer 17:5-6):
Thus says the Lord:
“Cursed is the man who trusts in man
and makes flesh his strength,[a]
whose heart turns away from the Lord.
6 He is like a shrub in the desert,
and shall not see any good come.
He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,
in an uninhabited salt land.
May we have a peaceful heart no matter what this year brings!
~Beth Anne
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