A birth story

I'm going to try and write this all in one sitting, but we will see if I actually can.
Our little guy is here. We are head over heals for him, and his big brother is already so protective of "his" baby. The last week and a half have been a blur of sweet baby snuggles, sleepless nights, countless prayers, and full hearts.
About a week before Levi was born, I started having pretty regular contractions. I knew my body was getting ready, and my midwife confirmed that I was indeed dilating on my own, but that it might be a while. My body tends to do things gradually rather than all at once.
At my final midwife appointment before Levi was born, my midwife expressed concern due to the fact that my belly was measuring smaller each week. She sent me in for an ultrasound the following day, and they decided to induce me a few days after that (I don't want to put specific dates in order to protect our little guy's privacy. I'm overly cautious I guess). The Sunday before I delivered, I was in so much pain, bleeding and cramping and not getting any sleep. We decided to go to the hospital and get checked out, but they sent me home. Okay, I thought, I can do a few more days of this.
We were to go in a few nights later to be induced. For insurance reasons, they make you come in at midnight. The hours before that we hung out at my in-law's house, playing games and trying to distract from the painful contractions. Logan went to sleep around 10. At around 11 that night, Ben and I had to go. As I kissed my sweet boy goodbye I started to cry. He looked so teeny there on my in-law's couch. I started to feel the mom guilt creep up. We had never left him with anyone overnight (by the way, he had the time of his life at his "sleepover" with his grandparents. I didn't need to worry, but you know how I am). Anyway, we said our goodbyes and Ben's dad prayed with us. We had a little time before we had to check in, so Ben and I walked around Lake Lily a few times. It was nice.
Then we proceeded to the hospital. As we got out of the car, something came over me and I started to cry. I realized I didn't think we'd make it this far. The past ten months, the past three years caught up with me right then. I couldn't stop the tears.
We checked in and they said since I had dilated so much on my own that I wouldn't need pitocin until morning. I tried to sleep through the contractions (ha!). At around 6, they started my pitocin and I got the worst nurse. She put the wrong name tag on me (thank you Jesus I noticed and was able to correct her) and she yelled at me. A lot. Apparently I was to balance only on my right side for the entire labor. And I was trying to do this without an epidural! I had planned on using the birth ball, walking, whatever I could do. This nurse said no way. Realizing I needed an advocate, I called my mom. She came and suggested we hire a doula. I refused, saying that was too expensive. She said it would be her Christmas present to us. About half an hour later, an angel named Erin walked in and helped me through the next several hours. She put me on the birth ball, held me up as I squatted through contractions, and used all kinds of essential oils on me. We were doing fine and I was pretty proud of myself for refusing the epidural after all this pain. The nurse continued to come in and yell at us every 15 minutes or so (it's almost comical now). Finally at around 6 pm, they checked me. I was in the worst pain of my life at this point. And, after all that, after being in that room for 18 hours, I was only dilated to 5 cm. I cried. I had tried so hard! I knew my body had hit it's limit, so I said I needed an epidural. I was so sad that I caved, but the truth is I was exhausted and the pain was too great. So the most beautful person walked in after about half an hour and he gave me the epidural. I held on to Ben the entire time. After what felt like an eternity, it kicked in. This was around 6:30 or so. I finally was able to close my eyes. When I opened them, they told me I was ready to push. I had gone from a 5 to fully dilated in an hour! Once they told me it was time to meet my son, I lost it. I cried hysterically. I laughed uncontrollably. It was absolutely the most spiritual experience of my life. I've never felt closer to God. It was as if he was saying "These last three years were not in vain. I've been here all along, preparing your heart. Now here's your son."
I pushed for ten minutes and out he came. They laid him on my chest and it was as if no one else was in the room, just my baby and me. I must have said "Thank you, Jesus" 100 times.

There's so much more to the story. My worry is nowhere near gone, in fact now there are a hundred new worries that come from a new little life that is completely the responsibility of my husband and myself. But through meeting my Levi I realized something. All these years, through all our losses I truly felt God had left us. That he didn't care. The reality is, he was paving the way, cultivating our hearts for this very child. When I look at him and his big brother, I see two miracles. My heart is full and I remain undeserving yet so very grateful.