31 days of changing my perspective

 October is here. It's one of my favorite months. This month, I will be full term with this pregnancy, I'll get to dress up my favorite three year old for one of our favorite days (he currently wants to be a white tiger, hmm) and the air will (hopefully) start to feel cooler. 

I have not been excited about things. Oh, I try. I really do. But so many changes have left me feeling weak. Ill-equipped. Unsteady. Sometimes it seems as though the more I try and fix things, the bigger hole I dig myself into. Anyone else ever experience this?

So this October, I have given myself some homework. Every day I will focus on one area I CAN improve, and choose to throw out the negative thoughts that tell me I can't get it all together. Maybe I don't understand the ins and outs of health insurance and maybe I don't know what is going on a month from now but I do know I can choose to do the next thing.

Today the next thing was just being fully present for my family. I took my son for a walk, I reminded him (about 17 times) to go potty on the potty and not in his pants, I cleaned my home like I take pride in it, I counted my blessings and I spent time in God's word. 

I was reminded through my reading today to take every thought captive. Those feelings of impending failure, those whispers that say I can't be who God has called me to be, well, obviously they are not thoughts from God. So I choose. Do I let them define me or do I toss them and focus on truth? The truth is he gives me hope as an anchor. The truth is he created me for such a time as this. The truth is I can do all things through him.The truth is, as much as I love my boys with every ounce of my heart, God loves them even more. So my worries over them cannot compare to his plans for them. I can pray over them, I can do everything possible to give them the best life, but his plans for them are far better than anything I can pray on my own.

So today, October 1st, my focus is simple. I may not be able, but God IS able. When I feel like I am failing, I must turn to the one that never fails.