Embracing Change

I woke up at 2 this morning. Too much on my mind. Sleep is not happening, which I know is so normal at 36 weeks pregnant. It's funny, I vowed to make October the month I changed my perspective. Stopped worrying about things beyond my control. That lasted about a day and a half. For what it's worth, I have been trying. An exhausting amount. But the truth is I am weak and left to my own strength, I will fail. I have failed a thousand times.

I'm about to have a precious baby boy. A little brother to my other very prayed for boy. My heart's desire, these two children. And the closer I get, the more fear I feel. Things keep changing. Our insurance has changed four times since March. Finances are iffy. Things are not very stable, despite our plans. My husband is the hardest worker I know, but change happens. No matter who you are. And this change inevitably keeps me up at night. 

I pray God will just help me feel his peace. I have a little candle I light. A yummy smelling lavender candle. I'm reminded to pray for peace over my family every time I look at it. So I do.
I vowed to change my perspective. I think it's like this. I have a weakness. My weakness is that I tend to envision my future without God. Without his goodness and protection and strength. My weakness is that I have major trust issues. But the good news is, He shows up anyway. Every time. As Mark Twain said, courage is the resistance to fear, mastery of fear-not the absence of fear. I feel it every day. But I don't let it stop me. I guess that's how I can change my perspective. Fear doesn't have to stop me from being courageous. The good news is, I do not have to simply rely on my own strength. 

I didn't know this when we picked out his name, but Levi means "joined together." My prayer is that through this season of immense change for my family, our hearts will be joined together with God's. That where we lack peace, His will cover. Where we lack strength, His will be enough. That we will be joined together with the goodness that the Lord has for the four of us. Levi is a miracle. I say this every day. I cannot wait to meet my son.

Here's to embracing change.