Just a few more months

Dear Levi, my sweet boy,
Just a few more months until you are HERE! And I can, finally, finally hold you. Right now you are doing as you should, growing and maturing in my belly. I so love feeling your kicks and rolls, which are pretty impressive for someone of your size.

The midwife says you are a big boy actually, blowing those pregnancy book statistics out of the water. You aren't a statistic, after all. You're already over a pound at 22 weeks.
I don't know if you'll ever see this post. I have every intention of buying a journal to write you letters in, I just haven't yet. Maybe by the time you can read, blogs will be a thing of the past. Probably not, but it's hard to fathom you so old.

You're a miracle, just like your brother. I prayed so hard for both of you. I didn't think I'd get either of you. The thought of having two kids, two little guys to hold and raise and love for the rest of my days, well it doesn't seem real. I had given up, sweet boy. I prayed, no, I BEGGED, for God to take the desire out of my heart for another child. I was so tired of the miscarriages, the no's month after month, year after year. When I found out I was pregnant with you, the night before my 28th birthday,  I felt fear. Fear that you wouldn't last. That I would lose you too.
But you are still in my belly, sweet boy! I had a sonogram last week and they say you are perfect, just a little big :) I call your brother my miracle boy. I will call you the same.

Me. Fearful, anxious-ridden me, with two precious gifts from God. I don't understand it. But I like it.
My biggest fear is that I will fail you guys somehow. That I will fail as a mother. My life's goal is to do it right. To show you and your brother so much love that you always feel secure at home. I want you to love Jesus and love others. That's what I pray every chance I get. Don't let fear keep you from truly living. I'm still working on this, even at my age.

I can't wait for all of the life we will do together. You're going to love your big brother. He's wonderful and so much fun. I hope you two will be best friends. Brothers are cool.

Keep growing, sweet boy. Keep getting bigger and stronger and I'll see you in November.
Love,
Mommy