When you don't know what to do

I feel ill-equipped. There. I said it. Some scary challenges are here in my lap that quite frankly, I don't see answers to. Besides another panic sesh. That's kind of a given.
When you're coming face to face with some of your biggest fears, it's easy to feel small. Inadequate. Overwhelmed. Defeated.
You pray. But you don't know what to pray. You cry. But you don't have the words. You feel like shouting "This is not the life I ordered, God!"
Not that THAT does much good.

I am in this place right now. I DO NOT have the solution. I feel like David, standing up to Goliath. It's not wonderful.

I'm giving thanks, because I can't do much else but wait. I add to my list.

My son's singing, which is always at the top of his lungs, always with such joy.

My other son, growing and moving around in my belly. What a miracle.

My husband telling me "I'm scared too. But we'll be okay."

Family walks. We don't talk, we walk. But we KNOW. We know we've got each other's backs, and we will get THROUGH this. 

A best friend that's been RIGHT IN THIS PLACE, and made it out better. Stronger. And just fine actually.

A hot cup of tea. Good for the soul.

Cleaning the house. It's something I can DO. During the uncertainty, I can CLEAN. And darn it my house has never looked better.

Holley Gerth's new book. Great for right now, actually.

Fun plans this weekend. Niceserve. A much anticipated baby shower. Probably a Chipotle trip. 

Knowing that no matter what, God is here. With me. With my family. Holding us tight, even when we don't think so.

I don't have any more solutions right now. I'm in desperate need of some peace. I'm praying for it fervently. But I do trust that this is going to work out. I don't know how, but that's okay. One day at a time I suppose.