Training

I've been training hard for my first 5K.
I love running, but I wasn't prepared for how much WORK it takes!
My lungs are feeling it the most. I like to run fast or not at all.
The faster I run, the less I focus on whatever was bothering me before I started.
My body isn't used to going so fast.
When you run, your lungs have to work a lot harder. I don't know why I didn't realize it before.
It's all conditioning.

I have come to love my evening runs.
It's a challenge I can actually tackle.

Yesterday started another month of "not this month". I was tempted to skip my run, lay on the couch with my good friend Mr. Heating pad, eat chocolate chips and wallow at three more negative pee on a stick tests.
Instead I called my friend and asked her to come running with me.
Ben was happy to watch the boy so I could go work out whatever was bothering me.
I worked it out on the track.

After two years of negative, negative, miscarriage, miscarriage, maybe that's a pink line and maybe I need new glasses (x50 or so times), I'm ready for something I can actually do. Maybe I can't have babies anymore, but dangit I can run.

So run is what I do.

It's a little hard to pray when your focusing on just breathing and putting one foot in front of the other, but I think God knew what I couldn't say. That I've been wondering where he IS sometimes. That I struggle to feel him when I keep failing. When Ben is losing his job. When things are more challenging than ever.
I maybe don't pray about all of this when it feels so raw, but God knows.

Last night, on the track, I got this present:

That's what I got to run under last night. I think I'm going to like this new hobby of mine.