I'm Running

For as long as I can remember I have been in love with fitness.
Some of my best memories growing up involve it.

-Jumping on the little trampoline in the living room at age 12, feeling so free with the music turned up loud (My big brother was in charge that day. It was a good day).

-Roller-blading through my neighborhood daily, pretending I lived in one of those fancy houses.

-Dancing around my room to Blink 182, pretty much every day as a teenager. I felt super cool.

Anyway, the point is, I have always loved moving. After I became a mommy three years ago, I loved it in a different way. Exercise became my me time, a time where I could work out all my worries and fears and just focus on one thing.

I have always wanted to run a 5K.

But I've been too scared.

For the last two years, I have come so close to signing up for one, only to back out because of fear.
What if I were to get pregnant before the race? You usually sign up months in advance. What if I were pregnant, and didn't know it, and ran all that way, and ended up feeling so guilty for running in the first trimester?

Yesterday, I decided, finally, that I am tired of putting my life on hold. I have held myself back. Not just with running but with SO MUCH. And I am finally at a point where I just want to enjoy the life I have RIGHT NOW, not the one I may or may not ever have. I never have signed up for runs because there is always the tiniest possibility each month that Ben and I might get a baby. Might. And when another month comes and I am not pregnant, for the umpteenth time, well I just feel stuck and disappointed.
I've decided this is the year I do things that I've been too afraid to do.
Like run. Really, really fast.

I want my son to be proud of me. I want him to see me cross the finish line. I want him to see me as strong, as someone that accomplishes things.

I am really, ridiculously excited.