Mall Prayers and Impressive Tantrums

The boy and I took a trip to the mall this morning. The downside of having a fancy smart phone is that it's easily broken. Mine was in need of repair so down to the mall we went to get a new screen.

I handed over my phone and silently felt anxious at the thought of leaving this device (and the passcode!The horrors!) with the last two years of my life on it with a man I didn't know. But alas, I needed my phone to work, so I handed it over and took the little guy down to the play place for some time passing.

I watched him play there, with kids twice his size, and my heart just felt like it was jumping out of my chest. He's so GROWN! He's not a baby. He plays with the big kids and is super convinced that he's eight years old rather than not quite three.

I sat there, watching my son, and I prayed.

God, I love this kid so much it hurts. He's my son and he's what I prayed for all those years ago. I'm afraid. I'm afraid I won't be enough. I'm afraid I'll make mistakes and fail and he'll resent me. I'm afraid he'll grow up and be too busy for his old mom. I'm afraid that I am going to mess up. Somehow.

You know what I heard then?

Angela, you know how much you love that baby? I love him more. I love YOU more. I chose you, Angela. You. You are my child and he is my child and it's okay. When you mess up (and you will) I will be there. I'm here now and I'll be there then. I want to be enough, my child. I want you to know that I.Am.Enough.

This is what I felt the Lord say to my heart as I sorted through today's worries. Tomorrow's worries will be different. I'm always finding something to be afraid of. It's a very bad habit.

I was reminded of God's promises as my boy started the tantrum of 2013. Screaming, tears, and a bunch of "No, Momma!'s as it was time to go. I swear people were staring. I thought "See God, if I were a better mom, he wouldn't feel the need for fits. He wouldn't scream and holler out in public. PEOPLE WOULDNT BE STARING".

As I pushed the button for the elevator with a screaming toddler by my side, a cute mommy with a tiny baby walked up next to me. I apologized for the commotion. She smiled at me and said "You're doing everything right. I have three kids, they do this. It's okay". God bless her, whoever she was. What a sweet lady.

Anyway. Not sure what the moral of today's story is other than two year olds like to throw tantrums in public places and mommies usually feel about two feet tall when this happens.

I love my boy so much. Thankful he's got a wonderful set of lungs.