In-Between

I'm reading another book on gratefulness. Choosing Gratitude by Nancy Leigh De Moss is reminding me that I need another attitude check. My blog is called Giving Thanks, but....I haven't been living it lately. 
I don't want to have an ungrateful heart. I write a blog on miscarriage and infertility, so it's got to look like I am unhappy with a lot. 
The truth is, I am extremely thankful. Yes, miscarriages shake me to my core. Yes, I will always miss what could have been. 
But I have no choice but to be thankful.
Thankful for the precious boy that calls me Momma. 
Thankful for the husband that's stood by my side when health struggles and financial struggles and family tension have whispered the lie to both of us that maybe we'd be better off separated. 
Thankful for our story. 
Thankful that we've overcome the odds and stayed together, though we married young and without a lot of money. 
Thankful we have a home that's ours, a car that runs, and a church to call our own. 
Thankful for my girlfriends, whom I have the honor of praying for. Thankful for their encouragement, their calls, their hugs, their time. 
Thankful that when we moved to the middle of nowhere God sent me a wonderful friend named Melanie, who lived right across the street. 

Thankful for so much.

Am I thankful that I am going to the hospital tomorrow, for a plethora of tests and pokes and bills? I should be. I will be. I will find a way to be. They will find out what's going on, why my pregnancies keep failing. I can be thankful that we will have some answers. 

Thank you, God, for answers. 

I am learning, through all this reading and praying and studying, that I have to get to a point where I am content. On the one hand, I know in my heart of hearts that the desire to have more children is from God. I know it. I can't explain it. 

But. I must be content now. Not when my prayers are answered. But now. In the in-between. In the waiting. I must be grateful for the wait. For the chance to be refined. Made patient. Made whole in Him. It seems like nothing is happening but unanswered prayers. But I know. I have enough life experience at 27 to know that sometimes when life seems incredibly hard, something wonderful is in the works. God's got a way of showing up at just the right time. 

I can't wait. But I can be grateful, for this in-between.