Yes, this is another post about my kid. Well, about my family. I'm entertaining the idea of going back to work. And it's scaring the you know what out of me.
Since having my son, I've never wanted to be anything but a mommy. All my former hopes and dreams have paled in comparison to holding this precious child, this tiny person who holds my heart. No paycheck can give me what being a stay at home mom can: time.
But. But the bills. They keep on coming. Mortgage. Ben's commute. Medical bills. Deductibles. Insurance. You get the idea. Ben's such a hard worker, often working twelve hours or more a day, six days a week. He tries his absolute hardest to provide for us. But the bills keep coming. We've downsized considerably. My car is old. Ben's truck is old. We bought a house in the middle of nowhere because houses are more affordable when you're not near a mall or any kind of social scene. We want more kids. Kids are expensive.
This all is making me feel so much guilt over not contributing to our income. And here's the thing: I got a call yesterday. A call to go back to teaching. A job in an environment I would love: the classroom. I am a nerd at heart. Learning is one of my hobbies. This school has on site day care so I would essentially bring my son to work with me.
But, my son would still be in day care. And that BREAKS. MY. HEART. Maybe I'm being a baby, but I can't stand it when my kid's unhappy. I want to do everything in my power to make him as comfortable as possible. I tried three years to have this little blessing. I don't want to do anything less than perfect where he is concerned.
I have to make my decision soon. The pay isn't fabulous, but it's something. The school is 35 miles away, so the commute will be less than ideal. So I don't know. I'm weighing the pros and cons here.
Pray for me?
2 comments:
praying for you.
i can see your heart is torn.
God will direct your paths.
He will heal your heart and restore your strength- He WILL direct... trust is hard... but reaching out and asking for prayer is a great step.
praying for you daily.
Call me crazy, but I actually like working, and I know that my daughter likes her daycare. I, too, like her daycare, because she has a lot of fun and learns a lot. Do I wish I could be with her more? Of course I do. But I know that she is in good hands and is learning more than I could teach her on my own. But I do recognize that it's a hard decision. Praying for you!
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