God's been doing a number on my heart lately. Proving himself faithful in numerous ways, stretching me WAY out of my comfort zone, and asking me to just have a little more faith. 

Growing is never fun. It hurts for a while. But it's necessary. We weren't meant to stay in one place forever. We were meant to be conduits of love for the least of these. 

I'm not quite as bitter as I was a few weeks ago. I've accepted that God's plan is bigger and better than mine, even if his plan included multiple miscarriages and setback after setback. It only stings for a little while when I hear that another girlfriend is pregnant. I still struggle with asking God why her, why not me, but then I wipe my tears away and do the next thing. I think....well I think that's growth.

Fear comes and goes. But I have discovered that I am stronger than fear. I don't have to let it get the better of me. I can choose to LIVE, really live, and not be held captive my constant worry. I have so much more living to do, and it requires that I brush worry off my shoulder and keep moving. It's so difficult, but I do it. 

I'm beginning to see that God's plan for me isn't any better or worse than anyone else's. It's simply tailored specifically for me. And it does me no good to sit around and feel sorry for myself over what was lost. Over what I miss with all my heart. 

I'm beginning to see that he's good, even when it hurts to pray. Even when I feel like I'm foolish to keep trusting. To keep hoping. He's still good, even when I feel nothing. 

He's still good.