I won't let you down

I don't know how to articulate all that God is showing me this summer. I used to think words were my art of choice, but lately I have been tongue tied. I so desperately want to share all that I am learning, but fear of getting it wrong holds me back. Stupid fear.
We were blessed to get to go on a nine day road trip with my in-laws. We stayed in Nashville, TN for the first part of the trip and then on to Toccoa, GA for the second part. We also made day trips to Kentucky and North Carolina. My heart had been yearning to see mountains for so long. Many of my childhood summers were spent up north with my grandparents, hiking through the hills and watching the fireflies. This trip was such a gift.
I thought I'd leave my worries at home. Wrong. Worry doesn't care what state you're in. I felt sick the first part of the trip. I started thinking that maybe I was pregnant. Turns out I wasn't. I began to feel confused. But sometimes prayers said while surrounded by God's creation can be enlightening. I prayed openly about my confusion over God's plan. How I don't know what next year holds, and when I think about the future it scares me. God showed me through his word that I don't need to have all the answers. I only need to trust. The more I trust, the more I let him take my hand, the more I realize I need him to keep holding it.

When we got back from our trip there was a magazine from my church waiting for me at home. It was all about adoption. True stories from fellow church goers that responded to the Lord's call to adopt a child. Or two or three. Honestly, adoption scares me. I don't know much about it, it sounds horribly expensive, and we are a blue-collar, one income family. Hard-working, yes. Wealthy, no, not even close. But as I started reading this magazine, tears started flowing. Story after story of infertility, of calls from God to open up families and allow God to grow them. I still don't know if I will ever adopt a child. But the more I read, the more I realized that God was showing me something awesome. He was showing me that his plans are good, and he hasn't given up on me just because my womb is empty. Maybe my plan to have more biological children is not God's plan. Maybe something completely different will happen. I really don't know. But what I do know is that he's whispering to my heart, saying Trust me, my child. I won't let you down.