Wish List

This year is almost over. I know I say this every year, but it seems like this one went by particularly fast. So much has changed since January and now, and yet so much will never change. This year has been a special tango of the beautiful and the difficult. I am thankful for everything that happened in our lives this year. The good, the difficult, the beautiful, and the things which I may never understand. 
For some reason, this year has been the year that I found God. I know. I've been a Christian my entire life. But there's such a difference in the God I grew up knowing about and the personal relationship I now have with my savior. I can attribute most of this to a book my dear friend Jessie gave me for my birthday back in March. She will never know just how greatly that book impacted my life. This year is the year I learned that all is grace. Even the hard stuff. Even the stuff that makes you lie awake at night, wondering why. 
I am so excited for this Christmas season. I know Easter is usually the holiday we attribute to newness, but I am declaring Christmas as that holiday for me this year. I need it. I have made a sort of grown-up wish list this year. I don't want much in the way of material things for myself (although if a new pair of Toms shoes, size 8 1/2, in red, just happened to appear under my tree, I'd be pretty tickled. Do you hear that, Benjamin? :). 
This year, I want three things. 
I want continued health for my family. For my beautiful son, for my husband, and for my extended family. Health is such a blessing, and I am thankful for it. 
I want peace. I want peace with myself, in that I don't want to worry over things that I have no control over. I want peace for loved ones, especially those that do not know the Lord. I pray they find peace in their struggles. 
Finally, I want hope. My hope was crushed this year when we learned that we would never get to meet our daughter. It's been over a month since the miscarriage, and oh, I miss her. Part of me wishes I could have held her at least once, but the sensible part of me knows it would have been all the more difficult had I actually gotten to know her. I don't have a lot of hope right now. I want our family to grow larger, but my faith in that is gone. I'm sorry. That's not very Christian of me to say. God knows though. I am honest with him. He gets it. 
So yes, I think, most of all, I'd like a little bit of hope under my tree. Wrapped up in a pretty bow. No need to guess the right size, I will take an extra large :) 
Merry Christmas, loves. I am thankful for you.