Six

He's home for two days this week. He surprised me by taking today off, I thought it was just going to be tomorrow. He had two days he needed to use up by the end of the year, and he decided our wedding anniversary was more important to him than more time at Christmas. Bless him. 

Six years ago today, we had our rehearsal dinner. I was so nervous, such a ball of stress. My ideas for the wedding and my mom's ideas were not meshing. I wanted simple. She wanted elaborate. I remember feeling that Ben wasn't going to show up to the church on Saturday. I braced myself for the disappointment. I didn't think it would work out. I cried on the phone with him the night before the wedding. I said "You know babe, it's not too late to back out. I will understand". 

I had been begging him to shave his goatee for weeks prior. I wanted to see his face that day, all of it. He protested, said he didn't like to shave, it was too much work. One of the best memories from my wedding day is looking up at the front of the church and seeing him there, no facial hair in sight. He did it for me. For our day. We cried. 

Marriage has been difficult this year. It's not a secret, we don't pretend to be good at this. We come from different worlds, different families. Though we've known each other for most of our lives, it's different to build a life with someone. To build a family. 

I take him for granted. I know I do. It's just so easy. He's a given to me. Just like the sun rises in the morning and disappears in the evening, I know Ben is always there. But I don't think it should be that way. His companionship is a gift to me. Our marriage is sacred, and I am feeling foolish for all of the times I asked God to change him, to make us agree on things. God has instead changed me. Molded my heart to want to be in harmony with my husband's. I wanted my way, but God said he had an even better way. And now I want that. 

I love this man, the one who came to my Christmas party nine years ago and reluctantly agreed to be my date for the evening. Who lent my his Lil 500 jacket that night. The jacket I slept in for a month. 

Happy anniversary, babe.