Today, I am thankful for patience. Patience is a funny thing. Growing up, my mom always told me to never, ever pray for patience. Because patience comes from being tested. It comes through trials, through cultivation of the heart. I have never prayed for patience. And yet. I am becoming a very patient woman. And I guess that's good. I started learning the art of patience when I was in college. I wanted so badly to just finish. I had no intention of enjoying my time in school. All I cared about was the end result. That diploma. I did get it, but not without first learning to be patient. Things of value often take time to grow, to come to fruition. It took me five years to graduate from college, not four like most students. I had some issues with my math (as in, I wasn't very good at it). When I finally got my diploma, all that patience paid off.
I really learned patience when we tried to have a baby. Month after month, year after year, no baby. And then, I told God I was just going to give the whole issue of my infertility to Him. I was done trying to control the situation. Looking back, as difficult as that time was, I am thankful for the patient heart it gave me. God was with me then.
I am in another season of gaining patience. I didn't ask for it, but God knew my heart needed a healthy dose of it once again. Dealing with this miscarriage for the past month, my heart is once again in a season of surrendering my time table, my agenda, my goals to the one that gives all. When I pray for things to come, he simply asks me to be still and wait. And while I am waiting, while patience is growing still, he asks me to enjoy. To thank him for gifts he's already bestowed upon me. My son. My husband. My home. My life. Patience is so much easier when I learn to be in the moment. To enjoy the belly laughs my son engages in daily. When he laughs, time stands still for me. There is nothing but joy in the room. Patience is easy then, because I want to stay in that moment.
I have never asked for patience, and assume I never will. But I am thankful for the patience he gives me, day after day.
My heart is full.
1 comment:
I too was told to never pray for patience. However, I do. I guess because I'm a little desperate :) Besides I believe the trials are going to come regardless so I may as well get the change I'd like from them.
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