Trust

If there's one word I could use to describe the season I am in, it would have to be trust. Such a small little word, but one that embodies what can be very difficult for me to do. Specifically, trusting that God is going to do what he says he will do. In my heart of hearts, I know everything's going to be fine. But on the surface, my flesh still deals with the whole "Will he, won't he" struggle. See, God has given me ample opportunity to put all of my trust in his capabilities recently. And I'd be lying if I said it was a cake walk for me, but I can be thankful, even in this. 
~I have a tilted uterus. Sounds like such a small thing, and it is. But it makes it hard to hear baby's heart beat on a doppler, makes it hard to measure my growth, and I have to go in for appointments more often just to check on things. We've already seen and heard baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound, and I am thankful for that beautiful reassurance God gave me. But yesterday, as the midwife was sharing all of this with me, I had already been having a worrisome day. I closed my eyes as I thought "Okay God, thank you for this opportunity to trust that this baby will be fine. I trust you. You know this child by name already, and I can rest in that assurance". It wasn't easy, but I could do it. 

~We are making some huge financial changes in preparation for our growing family, and I am ashamed to say that it terrifies me at times. Even as I write this, I know better. I know not to be afraid of bills, I know that God has supplied Ben and I with the wisdom to make good financial decisions. But I am weak, and I worry. And I shouldn't. I just changed our health insurance from a high deductible plan to a somewhat lower plan, but we will be paying double out of pocket every month. And I don't know how we will make out. BUT. WE. WILL. Because he's given us wisdom. Resources. And trust. And it's scary. And maybe it's awesome at the same time. Because here's my chance. My chance to stay strong, to be an example, a testament that faith can work wonders. That faith can banish fear. That it's all going to work out for our good, because God himself says it will. 
I can give thanks. Because it's going to be awesome.

Happy Tuesday, friends.