This is a touchy subject

I feel like a hypocrite.
Before I got pregnant with this healthy baby in my body, I would get SO aggravated when I'd hear women complain about feeling ugly or fat when pregnant. I'd think "You are pregnant! Shut up! You're growing a human being, who the heck cares what you look like for nine months? This is a forever thing you're doing here!"
I'm pregnant. Going on 17 weeks. I am incredibly thankful, even though this pregnancy has been much scarier than L's was four years ago. I've been terrified that some germ, some chemical, some SOMETHING will ruin this pregnancy because I haven't been careful enough (I have been careful to the point of driving myself up the wall, but still. There's always MORE I could do).
Anyhow. I am thankful, I am still worried every day, every minute, so I am surprised by what I am about to type.
I feel ugly.
I feel really gross and not at all pretty.
I wonder if I am ever going to be pretty again.
And I hate that I care about something so incredibly stupid.
I saw pictures of myself from this weekend, at a birthday party, and my first thought was "Wow, I look disgusting".
And I'm ashamed that I thought that.
Because growing this baby IS the desire of my heart.
Giving my son a sibling IS what I have begged God for for 3.5 years.
This is my dream come true.
And my perfectionism is stealing my joy.
Yes, I look different.
Yes, I break out in weird places right now and my hair is crazy and my skin is so dry it flakes off.
I won't be gracing the covers of any magazine any time soon.
From the world's standards, maybe I'm not so pretty right now.

But my cure is simple.
When I feel ugly, or less than, I go look in the mirror at my crazy big belly with the protruding navel. I smile. Because what I'm doing IS a forever thing. Every weird new vein, every pound I gain, they're for this boy. For my SON. And dang it, if I had to gain fifty pounds to keep this boy healthy I would (I'm not reccomending that for anyone, I am just saying I'd do whatever it takes).

So if you're pregnant, and feeling awful about your body's bizarre changes, I just want to tell you I think you're beautiful. Every pound, every stretch mark. Beautiful. You're doing a beautiful thing.