I pray, and then I read over all of the sweet, sweet words from people who love me and are praying for me. I am 10 weeks, 1 day, and you guys have been there every step so far. Before you even knew I was pregnant you were praying. You're still praying. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
This part of pregnancy is scary even under normal circumstances. You can't feel the baby move yet, you aren't showing too much, and you spend a lot of mental energy praying the baby is healthy and that their heart keeps beating. As you know, I've lost a lot of pregnancies.
I'm scared for this pregnancy.
I have a really hard time trusting that this one will turn out okay.
You guys are lifting me up. It helps. It really does. I want to share some of the sweet words you have given me.
From Andrea, when I told her I was pregnant and was afraid:
Cling to that- no matter what. Fear cannot exist where He is. He is with you...So...fear can't exist. Don't let it thrive. I AM SO EXCITED! Do you know how far along you are? Girl, I am praying. And I am so happy for you!!!!!
From Lis, when I asked her how in the world she got through her first trimester after a late loss:
So celebrate and be joyful for no matter how many days!
From Cheryl and Mike, a wonderful couple from my church:
We understand your apprehension, but know God is greater than any of our fears. He has this. We know how you would love to hold a baby in your arms. Will join with you in your petition.
Thanks for asking us to pray.
From Mary, a girl I have known since MIDDLE school:
Hey girl. I read your blog post yesterday before I guess you deleted it. You had mentioned in it you're so scared your going to mess up, and I just wanted to say you are not capable of messing up THAT much to lose your baby. You are in no way in control over that fate. Which I hope sounds like a relief instead of complete loss of control. My point is God wouldn't give you that much power and whatever is going to happen has already been decided. Maybe you aren't ready to hear this but congratulations. I can't imagine what it's like to be on a pregnancy seesaw. You're an amazing and strong person and I'd love to see your confidence built in yourself. Stay strong.
From Deb, a new friend who has decided to pray for this baby:
From Cheryl and Mike, a wonderful couple from my church:
We understand your apprehension, but know God is greater than any of our fears. He has this. We know how you would love to hold a baby in your arms. Will join with you in your petition.
Thanks for asking us to pray.
From Mary, a girl I have known since MIDDLE school:
Hey girl. I read your blog post yesterday before I guess you deleted it. You had mentioned in it you're so scared your going to mess up, and I just wanted to say you are not capable of messing up THAT much to lose your baby. You are in no way in control over that fate. Which I hope sounds like a relief instead of complete loss of control. My point is God wouldn't give you that much power and whatever is going to happen has already been decided. Maybe you aren't ready to hear this but congratulations. I can't imagine what it's like to be on a pregnancy seesaw. You're an amazing and strong person and I'd love to see your confidence built in yourself. Stay strong.
From Deb, a new friend who has decided to pray for this baby:
Hello
pregnant woman! Congratulations! Read your blog. Isaiah 41:10 is ever
so dear to my heart! "Fear not for I am with You, do not be dismayed,
for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you
with my righteous right hand.
That gets and has gotten me through a lot. Praying for you and cheering you on
My sister-in-law, when I expressed how fearful I am that this is going to all be messed up somehow:
If God wants me to go through that kind of loss, than I have NO control over it. He already has a plan for my life and I know it is to prosper me and not harm me. That's something I have to believe if I believe in the Bible at all and in God. If God is good and the God in the Bible is the true God, the one in control, then I have to believe the rest of it, and that means He's good and faithful and will work things out for my good. And if losing a child is part of that journey, than I can't stress over every little thing I eat or do because I know that He will bring me through whatever.
There are more words. So many more words. Thank you. I cling to these every day. I am taking this pregnancy one day at a time, one HOUR at a time some days. Yes, I worry. But I chose to celebrate each day of life I have with this baby in my belly. And thank you Jesus, I have so much nausea it's silly. It's a gift, I know it. God's saying Your hormones are doing what they should, it's going well. Remember that you are not in control here.
Again, thanks guys.
That gets and has gotten me through a lot. Praying for you and cheering you on
My sister-in-law, when I expressed how fearful I am that this is going to all be messed up somehow:
If God wants me to go through that kind of loss, than I have NO control over it. He already has a plan for my life and I know it is to prosper me and not harm me. That's something I have to believe if I believe in the Bible at all and in God. If God is good and the God in the Bible is the true God, the one in control, then I have to believe the rest of it, and that means He's good and faithful and will work things out for my good. And if losing a child is part of that journey, than I can't stress over every little thing I eat or do because I know that He will bring me through whatever.
There are more words. So many more words. Thank you. I cling to these every day. I am taking this pregnancy one day at a time, one HOUR at a time some days. Yes, I worry. But I chose to celebrate each day of life I have with this baby in my belly. And thank you Jesus, I have so much nausea it's silly. It's a gift, I know it. God's saying Your hormones are doing what they should, it's going well. Remember that you are not in control here.
Again, thanks guys.
My little peanut! This was from my 6 week ultrasound. Baby is much bigger and healthier now. I have another next week! God is good.
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