I've been learning something recently. Something I should have learned at 7. Or at least 17. Not everybody likes me.
I know. Duh.
But, sometimes I feel like I have to make it my life mission to have everyone like me. To never upset anyone or have a different opinion or to speak my mind.
It drives me crazy.
The thing is, I don't like everyone. Some people are easier to get along with than others. My Gran always taught me that you don't have to like everyone, you just have to love them.
But it drives me crazy if someone thinks I am hard to get along with.
In middle school, there were these girls. These beautiful, well dressed, snotty, mean girls. They wore green eye shadow.
I wanted to be one of them so badly. I dressed like them, I said what they said, I became some sort of creepy, generic version of them.
Yeah, they still didn't like me. In fact, I think they disliked me more after that.
Then high school came. I got better hair. Learned about makeup. Had a boyfriend (or a couple....... ). Suddenly, I was cool (er). I loved it.
And I kind of lost myself in it.
If you had told me then that ten years later I would worry about what people thought of me, I'd have laughed. See, I never admitted that I was so insecure.
I guess people picked up on it before I did.
I only recently realized that I still struggle with this.
I know a lot of people. A LOT. Mostly women. Beautiful, put together women.
I love them all. Everyone's so different. Everyone's got different views on just about everything. The problem is that I try and be perfect for each of them.
I think that's why I am registered as an independent. So no one will hate me. If I'm vanilla, If I'm compliant, I can't cause anyone to be upset.
I've lost myself.
I've become horribly boring.
So here is me, truthfully:
I love being a mom more than anything.
I'm somewhat of a hippie. Pesticides scare me, I prefer to do things naturally, and I love being lost in the woods.
I dislike politics. I don't like abortion, but I also don't like war or poverty. There's a lot about politics I don't like.
Most days I still feel about ten years younger than I am.
I want to get about three more tattoos. I love tattoos.
Most days I don't feel pretty. I kind of think I look like a boy. I can't explain why I think this.
I love 90's punk rock music. Always have. I know I don't look like the type.
So there. I have opinions. I have preferences. They're probably different than yours. And I guess that's okay.
3 comments:
Ang and tattoos??? Guess you learn something everyday! ;) You are a beautiful woman! And it shows everytime I read your posts. On the inside and the outside. I learned a long time, you can't please everyone. So start with yourself and everything else will fall into place.
Heck yes, Jess! You haven't seen the one I got a few months back. I love it. I wish it were bigger :)
Love reading your blogs Ang! I think you missed your calling... You should consider writing a book & having it published :) You are a beautiful woman inside & out! No matter how hard you try, pleasing everyone will only make you go insane & in the end there will always be someone unhappy. Stay true to yourself & don't worry about what others think :)
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