Epiphany

So I can't sleep. Usually this would annoy me, but I'm actually a little thankful tonight. I was lying in bed, with every intention of falling asleep, when I had an epiphany. I was praying, as I usually do at night, when something the pastor said in church this morning came back to me. He said that many Christian's have a very difficult time trusting God because we live in a fallen world. Most of us have parents that are far from perfect, and it can be hard to imagine a God that loves us enough to want the best for us. Because many people are in sucky situations right now, due to the economy or familial issues or whatever the case may be, many believers are losing hope that God hears them. I am one of those people. One of my main prayers lately has consisted solely on me thanking God for everything he has blessed me with. I really am so thankful for my life. But there's more to it than that. I am realizing that a part of me only prays that prayer because I don't fully trust God for all He has to offer us. I'm a doubter. I've seen God work miracles in so many, yet I have a hard time believing that I deserve one myself. So as I lay in bed, I prayed the first genuine prayer I've prayed in a while. I told God that I trust Him, right where I am at. No strings attached. I am thankful for the struggle. It may sound crazy, but He put me in this situation for a reason, so I thank Him for thinking I am strong enough to come out better. I may have to pray this same prayer for many nights. I don't know how long this will go on. But I do know that God will be there when I come out of this, and for the first time, it doesn't matter what the reward may be.