Faithful Follower

I admit, sometimes I zone out in church. I love my church, I love the teachings our pastor presents each week, and I walk away feeling like I have learned something that will bring me closer to the Lord. But this past Sunday, due to turkey comas and an excess of family gatherings, I was a little tired as I sat quietly in my seat. Then my pastor said something that felt directly related to my situation. He was preaching on the story of Zacharias and Elizabeth. He explained how they were infertile yet desperately wanted a child. Apparently in biblical times infertility was even more devastating than it is today. Though they were childless, they were always faithful to the Lord and didn't give in to despair. Many times we feel that we should serve the Lord so that He will do X, Y, and Z for us. I know there have been times in my life when I have prayed to God for something and promised to give more of myself in return for His blessings. But that's not what God wants. He wants my whole heart, and all of my faith regardless of whether He blesses me in the way I see fit. So here I was in church, sitting next to a friend of mine who tried for THREE YEARS to have a child, and I felt like the pastor was talking directly to she and I. For the past year, I admit my prayers have been a little weak. Because my heart longs to be a mother,my prayers consisted mostly of "Lord, if you bless Ben and I with our child, I promise to raise them to be a man or women who loves You" etc. And while I meant that, that wasn't the prayer I should have been praying. God doesn't owe me a thing. I forget that sometimes. He wants me to be faithful everyday, even when I don't see a solution to this mess. I need to trust that even if He doesn't bless me in the way I think I should be blessed, He is still God and I am still His child. And ultimately, that's more than I deserve.